ballad of big nothing

10:10pm:

10:07pm:
ignore these pictures if you've seen them before. i'm making this journal feel like home.

11:29pm:
i find myself, sometimes, holding my breath just to feel dizzy.

1:13pm: this is the movement running through me, the second of beauty before the day dies. and i will string your soul through my needle, and we will fix all that was broken, until like rope and water, you swell and crack, refusing to stay still, to hold the place i've made for you. as if the lines i'd given you weren't enough. and yeah, you can take that on two levels. it's just that i'm still dreaming of blue pills, and the way they made me feel, and yesterday, damaged and a bit suicidal i was searching for something to wear, and i turned up the hem of a neglected dress and there was the paraffin coating, and i felt just a little, just a lot, desperate.
i keep on thinking of a kelp forest, and glass apples.
don't ask me, i'm just the messenger. i can't be myself.

i think i'm on the internet too much, i need to get a job. i need to do alot of things.
i'm dreaming of a moment in time, of things beautiful and strange.
i can't seem to make contact with my soul. but i'm pretty sure it's still there.

11:50pm: would you let me give you all of these lost infinities you were his and i was yours my little violin, or something, all this strings attatched pluck them all and listen to the beautiful music love me lost and touch the beauty. as if everything doesn't matter, the as is isn't lost in the as if.